Saturday, January 28, 2006
ToUgH cOoKiE!!!!!! YeAp TaT's ReNa!!!!!!!
Since my last entry..........i've been getting numerous calls, sms, and pple msging me on MSN........and yeap....it's ALL concerning the recent death of Uncle Samy..... and seriously....... from the bottom of my HEART....... i wanna thank EVERY single one of u sweethearts out there...who've showered me with your deepest concerns and ya amazing words of encouragement............ i really (*multiply by 100*) appreciate it............ i know i may have totally FREAKed some of ya out....and i'm sorry 4 tat............i just wasn't in the right state of mind....tat's why my voice sounded shaky and i cried over the phone.......... SORRY for tat yeah.........I realized something abt myself in the past couple of days.........something tat most of my closest frenz always tell me....... wondering wat that is??? i'm a SUPER DUPER tolerant girl..... pple can just keep yellin at me or really testin my patience and really pushing my buttons....and yet....i'll never say anything back.....i'll just be COOL & CALM...............hiazzzzz..........a couple of VERY insensitive pple has been doin just tat..............one from work(*the one who must nt be named*).....and.....the other....i better not mention it.....afraid tat the person might be reading this...........i don't wanna make matters worst btw the two of us...as i really care and love that person dearly.........These 2 pple in particular has really be annoyin the living CRAP out me..........one...who takes me for a FOOL.......and i've to listen and do watever tat person say......i can't have things done the way I want..... i've to be like a freakin SHRINK to em'..... but NO one ever bothers to listen to wat RENA has to say.........always chucking her to one dark corner.....And the other person...........HA!!!!!!!! tat's one hella hurdle every waking day of my life.........always pickin on little..little stuff i do and say....... WHY??...WHY??........am i NOT worthy of the GIRL i am..........i am NOTHING to YOU??!!!!!! why can't these pple understand me?? i'm NOT some kindda DOORMAT of urs to go steppin ALL over me!!!!!!!!! i may say tat i HATE you............but honestly.........i CAN'T do tat............i can NEVER do tat............but u'll never know it..........i guess u refuse to believe it............Being a freakin tolerant gal ain't sooo good after all...........i guess it's my STRENGTH and my greatest WEAKNESS...............and i can't seem to change tat..........tat's just who i am.........leave it...or hate it..........i DON'T CARE!!!!!! my ability to tolerate sooo many things in my life ain't the only problem tat i have.......OH YES!!!!!!! there's another one too......... i'm a MASTERMIND of hiding my feelings............esp when i'm really upset with a person or in a particular situation......i try not to show it...... this became VERY obvious to me when a dear fren of mine pointed it out just a couple of days ago..............she was like "Rena....i know u're hurting inside soo much...esp with ya uncle's death....why are u torturing yaself like tat...pretending tat everythings alright.....tryin to crack jokes and makin others ard u laugh...when truly inside u're not feelin too good...why gal??.....it's okie to cry ya lungs out......it just may help...u're always doin this....nt just in this instance..but on several other occasions too...wat's wrong with u??" when she said tat.....it really really hit me hard............i guess i tend to hide ALOT of my feelings coz with issues such as death of a person or any problems tat i'm facing.....i don't wanna tell others....afraid tat i might spoil their mood or like piss em' off....i don't want to trouble others with my problems.....get wat i mean?? but tat doesn't mean tat i KEEP very single stuff to myself..........i do share it with some.....only a certain few.....and those are my TRUE FRIENDS............& thank GOD for pple like yaself......i really don't know wat i'll do without u gals..........For now..........i'll just be the TOUGH COOKIE tat i am..........i'll try my best NOT to let those insensitive pple get the best of me..........and once again...i would like to THANK all those who have been there for me.......and helpin me get through this....LOVE U.........CHEERS MATE!!!!!!!!!!!!
WoRdS oF tHe InDiAn GeiShA at 9:44 PM